Rescued From Jaws

This is part two of my story.

For part one click here.

I had a happy marriage. (that is Dale's grandma with us)

Dale and I met when I was 15, he had just turned 18. We were each other’s one and only. We got married three years later. His personality was risk-taking, adventure-seeking, confident and decisive. Mine, timid, shy, reserved, sensitive… We were the perfect couple balancing each other well, until we began to disagree on parenting methods. Until he was away at work so much and I was feeling like a single mom.

During that time other legs also fell from my “support” stool. Relationships were strained in several places in my life.

We had made the decision to put our oldest, Kayla in school after homeschooling her through fourth grade. I found myself trying to be the “perfect mom” to her by helping in the classroom, walking her to and from school with Ethan whom I was still homeschooling.

On top of that, I increased craft-production in my little crafting business and held a boutique in my home that fall.

That was when the dizziness from the anxiety began. I knew I needed to “not be anxious about anything, but with prayer somehow drop my burden on the Lord and I’d have His peace. I just didn’t know how to do it. I began to drown in guilt and shame, self-condemnation and spiraled downward to insomnia the following fall. Insomnia lead to depression and oppression, near to despair.

I reached for people, but none had a hand that could lift me. God wanted it that way…He wanted me to know the futility of flesh. My own and others that I tended to lean on in affirming my worth, or leading me to answers…

Continually I held a thin thread of hope at every place of hopelessness, and was upheld from going under. That is what my faith amounted to during those days. A thin thread.

My heart heard a whisper of truth from God’s Word in the darkest times; His living, wonderful, comforting, guiding, correcting, freeing Word. That LOVE was my sustenance. Though His love seemed elusive to me, and I scarce believed it at the time. In my mind, yes, but in my heart, no.

Accusation was constant, and when it came, I knew it to be true. I was a worthless, faithless failure and I believed I was possibly ruining my kids… Outside of Christ I would have been...

However, I was in Christ, therefore, I had to learn the lesson about putting on my new nature. (2 Corinthians 5:17) I had to remember it was no longer I who lived, but it was Christ Jesus who lived inside of me. (Galatians 2:20) I had to learn that it is by GRACE that I stand by faith (Romans 5:2). Not by MY ability, or strength. (Philippians 3:3)

The very first Truth God gave me to start me on the path to freedom was the dawning that I was NOT a VICTIM of my thoughts. I had a choice. It had gotten to the point that all thoughts that came to my head were received in my heart if they were negative. It just made sense to me…I had no doubt my flesh (my self) was dross.

But we (believers) have the mind of Christ! (1 Corinthians 2:16b)

Accusation: “you have NO faith!” Answer: “when we are faithless, He will remain faithful, for He cannot disown Himself.” 2 Timothy 2:13 (GRACE)

Accusation: “you are ruining your kids.” Answer: “He will restore what the locusts have eaten.” Joel 2:25 (GRACE)

Accusation: “you will not be free of this.” Answer: “I [God] will deliver you and bring you into a spacious place.” 2 Samuel 22:20 (GRACE)

Accusation: “you are worth nothing.” Answer: “you will lead women in triumphal procession in Christ.” (not me but Christ in and through me~a personal promise given to me that day) 2 Corinthians 2:14,15 (GRACE)

In those years, Jesus sustained me as he refined me from the impurities of my SELF-reliance. I had been a Christian for ten years prior. I had grown in love with Jesus and knowledgeable about scripture. I was leading Bible study and teaching Sunday school when I fell. (FROM GRACE and RELIED on mySELF again).

“He is wooing you from the jaws of distress to a spacious place free from restriction, to the comfort of your table laden with choice food. Job 36:16

Tomorrow I will talk about the Spacious Place

Who's Voice Are You Living For?

I was sitting in the chapel of Northwestern College with my mom beside me. We were attending the anual confrence called "A Day Set Apart For Women". I think it was something like my third or fourth year going...I was in the middle of my season of deliverance from the strongholds on my life...the chains that were wrapped around my neck spiritually. Literally choking Life out of me...

As the speaker talked about our conversation with God, and how to hear His voice, how He speaks to us, I was fervently taking notes, as is typical for me, when she said, "Some of you are listening to too many voices in your head and all you should be/ or need to be listening to is God."

Suddenly the revelation of this truth I had been unaware of came in like a flood...and I began to cry uncontrollably. It was as if the dam burst, and I was "let loose". I heard the Lord speaking to me in those moments, "Kathy, you have been living in the expectations of your husband and father (and other unknown voices came to mind)...what they might say underlies everything you do, or say fearing their disapproval. Honey, you CAN'T be perfect for anyone! You are making them your god by allowing this fear of their disapproval to have power over you!"

I left that day with less weight, with fewer links in the chains that had been holding me captive. As I returned home, I had to begin to walk free, to practice watching "who" was in my head "steering" my emotions, my decisions (or lack of) The healing was taking place. A promise that The Lord kept reminding me of was happening...

Psalm 18:19 He brought me out into a spacious place; he rescued me because he delighted in me.

An Untroubled Heart

Micca Campbell's book came out in March/April 2009. I received a copy from her to read and write a review on. I believe she asked me because I have posted about wrestling much with fear. It has been good to go through this study over the long time period that it has taken in preparing our yard for Kayla's wedding. I have had much to ponder as I planted flowers, watered, and pulled weeds.



God has been pulling some weeds from my heart at the same time...



My struggle with fear hasn't been so much over "lions and tigers and bears", but the"What if's?" What if I fail at...what if I don't get that done....What if that person yells at me(my personal pronouns are quite revealing).

I first encountered Micca @ She Speaks last summer. I attended a workshop she spoke at. I remember sitting there thinking, "I would love to have a chat with her, I think we could be fast freinds." She was very comfortable in her own skin, and exhibited true love for Jesus. She used alot of her personal stories to highlight her message. She does the same thing in her book.





Micca knows the answer to fear is faith in God. The entire book points to His power, His love, and His ability to handle anything that comes our way. Each chapter paves the way for the next. The first chapter is her story of loss, and how she struggled, but through faith, found her peace and rest in God. Because of this experience, she can encourage us in all our struggles... Warning, I cried! You probably will too! But it is good to know how God has carried our sister.





Reading the book was like having a friend to dialog with about my fears. Micca shared so many personal stories that I could relate with. The Lord would bring to mind incidents in my own life with similarities. Many times I was encouraged that I had turned over fears to the Lord, and other times, I was seeing why the struggle had become difficult...due to my wrong focus, or wrong thinking about God.

There are questions at the end of each chapter to draw out how we think about things, or what we are currently struggling with, and scripture studies to encourage, and transform our thinking...

I have not been struggling currently with any overwhelming fears, but from time to time, the wedding prep has brought "what if's" to my heart, and I have been using those times to put my faith into practice and turn it over to the Lord...

Thank you Micca, for being faithful to share what the Lord called you to share. Isn't it beautiful how He brings good from everything?

Now I am having a bloggy give-away! Today is Sunday, July 12th. Next Sunday, July 19th, I will draw from comments for a copy of Micca's book!!

BTW, I did have a chat with Micca in the lobby of the hotel at the end of the confrence, and even though she didn't know me from Eve (smile) she was sweet like I knew she would be...

Freedom

Therefore, since we are surrounded by such a great cloud of witnesses, let us throw off everything that hinders and the sin that so easily entangles, and let us run with perseverance the race marked out for us. Hebrews 12:1

Laying aside hindrances, running with freedom.

We just started a new study by Cynthia Heald called "Becoming a Woman of Freedom". It is about throwing off the hindrances that slow us down or distract us. In the Hebrews passage above, our Christian walk is compared to a race. I picture that "great cloud of witnesses" (which includes the saints who have gone before mentioned in the "hall of faith" chapter in Hebrews, like Abraham, Noah, etc) I picture them up there cheering us on..."C'mon! You can do it!! Keep going! NO! Don't get distracted with that!!"

The first hindrance we talked about throwing off is our own propensity to take ourself in hand. To be in control. Relinquishing control to the Lord is freeing. Trying to control is frustrating. It is a paradox that to be truly free, we must surrender control to The One Who has made provision for our freedom!

Of course the parallel of Israel being delivered from slavery to Egypt was brought to our attention. Their freedom meant they needed to obey God and things would go well for them. As we know, when they didn't have things the way they wanted, they complained and wanted to go back to slavery, and it brough destruction to some of the complainers. Isn't it intresting that bondage becomes so comfortable to us?

I have a neighbor who has many ills, including alcoholism and family disfunction all around her. I have spent much time listening to her and encouraging her when she has been struggling. I have offered to do a study with her, I brought a study to her, I have invited her to church several times, told her about an "addicts recovery" meeting there once a week, and she is unwilling to take any of those steps to find freedom. She actually said she is too lazy to look up verses in the Bible. I also told her about Teen Challenge, and the nurturing environment that is there. Her response is, "I couldn't leave my dogs and my husband for a year." It grieves me that there are helps available for her to gain her freedom, but she is unwilling. She would rather stay miserable it seems.

I know, change is scary. We get comfortable with our habits and walls and masks.

But they are hindrances making our journey heavy, and full of burdens. Whether it be fear, worry, the past, pleasing people, bitterness, anxiety, or other obstacles. All of them slow us down or trip us up.

So, we are on a quest for more freedom from those things in the weeks ahead. I'll share our journey with you...

The foundation of freedom we find, is setting aside the old way, and walking God's way. Saying "no" to sin in all it's forms, and "yes" to God. FREEDOM IS A CHOICE TO TRUST AND OBEY.
Anything else is bondage. Let's walk free!

Freedom & Rest

Last night I posted a photo of the cutest panda bear I have ever seen; he was round and furry with perfect "panda markings". He was laying on his stomach on a log with his head resting on another log. I wrote about freedom and how that results in rest. Like the resting panda looked like he had not a care in the world. After I posted, I noticed the photo had a copyright printed right on the front, so I had to delete it. So sad. Maybe you have had the privilege of seeing the panda pictures in a forwarded email. I hope you did, I assume they went around cyber-space.

As I recount the things that the Lord has set me free from...fear of failing, fear of being rejected, fear of men's anger (though I still have to fight these fears from time to time~I no longer live with them every day)...It is astonishing how anxiety dissipates with trusting in the Lord and not man, uh me. Truly His perfect love casts out fear. No fear = freedom & rest.

There is no fear in love. But perfect love drives out fear, because fear has to do with punishment. The one who fears is not made perfect in love. 1 John 4:18

That was the short version of last night's post.

This morning as I am reading Leviticus 7-9, I found myself pondering many questions. Perhaps some of my bloggy friends have pondered this or heard teachings on it and can help me.

Moses was on the mountain for 40 days to recieve the law, eating and drinking nothing. For 40 whole days I imagine he didn't even need to go to the bathroom. ALL the time was spent communing with God. So, was Moses there with a scroll, taking notes? Let's face it, Leviticus would be hard to memorize~though I suppose if you had 40 days with nothing else to do...Or did God just impart all of it to Moses, and he was able to relay it accurately to the Israelites when he came off of the mountain.

Then there are the gruelling animal sacrifices instructed by the Lord. I have seen my dad butcher cows over the years growing up on the farm, and it took at least a couple of hours, maybe three, for one cow! To think that they did so many animals, and also had to go in and divide the parts. Some of it was burned on the altar, some eaten, some taken outside of the camp. Amazingly, many of the sacrifices were given different instructions. What a ton of work! It dawns on me that Moses' earlier time in the wilderness prepared him in more ways than one for the future mission that God called him to! He must have had to butcher sheep out there~I am sure he never did when he was in Pharaoh's house!

The thought of the smell of the "fragrant offering" to the Lord had me a little queasy too, thinking that they burned the heads of the animals. I don't know, maybe the fragrance of the meat overpowered any burning hair smell (forgive me for the depth of pondring here).

All this to say that I am extremely grateful to have the One sacrifice; the Once~for~all sacrifice for our sins the day Jesus gave up his life on the cross. No longer do we need to go through all that work to receive forgiveness, or peace, or freedom. It is simply a gift received by faith. (See previous post)

Unlike the other high priests, he does not need to offer sacrifices day after day, first for his own sins, and then for the sins of the people. He sacrificed for their sins once for all when he offered himself. Hebrews 7:27 NIV

Moses was certainly faithful in God’s house as a servant. His work was an illustration of the truths God would reveal later. But Christ, as the Son, is in charge of God’s entire house. And we are God’s house, if we keep our courage and remain confident in our hope in Christ. Hebrews 3:5,6 NLT

It is no cooincidence, I'm sure, that my post last night tied into my ponderings this morning, because the sacrifice and the blood of Jesus has everything to do with freedom and rest. Only when I am forgiven of my sins can I find peace. Only when I know and understand the love God has for me can I trust Him and not look to myself or other people for approval, or validation. It is in freedom from idols~trusting in anything other than God~that we find true rest.

Thank you, Thank you Jesus! For giving your life for me. Help me never take it for granted. Help me never become desensitized to, or forget the excruciating, bloody, humiliating, painful death you endured when you didn't have to so I~and anyone else who trusts in you~can be free. I love you!