Sunday, June 28, 2009

Lost in a Sea of Faces?

Sometimes my life, it seems so trivial...

Ever struggle with insignificance? Ever feel like if you don't accomplish great things in the eyes of people or of God, that you are worthless? Do you, like me, tend to think of your value based on your accomplishments or recognition?

The message of the Love of God is actually the opposite. Our significance is not in anything we do, but in what Jesus did. His gift of body and blood in exchange for our freedom is where our significance is found. Our worth is in His heart. In the value that God placed on redeeming us, and setting us free from hell.

I have had a very difficult time receiving the Love of Jesus at times. Let's just say there was an "eclipse" of reception in my heart from the conclusions I had drawn from my life experiences. Experiences that told me I am only loveable if I am pleasing.

Being the oldest child of 12, I had alot of responsibility. I loved it because it gave me worth. But I also depended on my performance and the approval I received for my worth. Therefore if I ever failed, I was A FAILURE in my mind. Worthless. Trash.

So how do I get past the lies I have believed for so long? By transforming my thinking based on the Truth from God's word. By taking my thoughts captive. By holding them in the Light. Some days it is moment by moment. Especially if I fail. Or make a fool of myself. When confronted. When challenged. When accused. Everytime I have to come to the table in this video, and receive His passionate love for me. And learn to abide in it. To receive it moment by moment. To draw from the well the only source that can quench the thirst I have for significance.

No, I'm not just a (wo)man that is lost in a crowd. I am His, created for His purpose, for His pleasure. Jesus said, if you want to be great in God's kingdom, you must be a servant of all. That is opposite of our thinking. A servant is something anyone can be. No popularity or accolades required.

Lord, help me to fulfill the purpose you created me for. I love you back! Amen.


lisasmith said...

what a great song reminder of God's truth. As the oldest, I relied on my responsible nature to get me some approval...sometimes my brain doesn't wrap around grace very well. Thank goodness He speaks to the heart not the brain!

Joyful said...

Kathy, you have so perfectly described me...incredible. Feelings of insignificance and worth are a daily struggle. It's why my house has "princess" themed reminders almost in every room. I need to keep telling myself, I am a daughter of the King.

I am currently reading Neil Anderson's, "Victory over the Darkness" about realizing the power of my identity in Christ. I must hold on to Who's I am, and all that means. In this process of sanctification, I am becoming in my behavior what I already am in my identity.

Oh how I need that transforming of my mind,

Jill said...

Kathy, I love your words and can relate so well. Actually this morning my husband and I discussed this a bit after he said, "I love you" and I said, "I wish I felt the same." He instantly replied with words about GOd's love for me and grace, but as you spoke of being the oldest I too can relate. It can be so difficult to move from old ways of thinking to God's way. Thanks for sharing, Jill

Warren Baldwin said...

"Sometimes my life, it seems so trivial..." But I'm glad you realize it is not! We are the earthen vessels God entrusts his spirit to, everyone of us. None of us are a woman (or man!) lost in a crowd. God always knows where we are, and he always has a purpose for us. Very good post.

A Stone Gatherer said...

Wonderful post Kathy. Yesterday I posted about the conditions of discipleship. The last part of your post made me think of it. I also thought of my sister Sandy who deals with alot of the same issues you do (well all of us in my family do to a certain degree), but she because she was the oldest.

Kristi said...

Hey Kathy! What an amazing post. I didn't know that I needed to hear that today...but I'm so glad that I did. Thank you! So, how was the wedding? I can't wait to se pictures. Blessings to you!