Friday, April 2, 2010
I remember feeling like we were going a little too fast. You never really know what kind of shape your drinking buddies are in, but trust that they know...We were going around a large curve, and I remember seeing a fence post in the ditch, and I knew we were going to roll, because in my drunken state I said to myself, "at least the fence post will stop us."
When the car landed it was laying on the passenger door, which meant my friend was on top of me. She was in a heap, not functioning very well. Two things were on my mind: 1. I had to go soooo bad, and was releived to find I hadn't peed my pants. 2. We gotta get out of here because I had seen what happened to rollovers on TV (because I watched "Chips") ...it might blow! So I said, "Fred, (that was her nickname) we gotta get out of here!"
Somehow I managed to stand and lift her door and we were able to crawl out and jump to the ground. First thing I did was take care of business, and as I was doing that, a man was coming out of his house across the street, he had awakened to the sound of our rollover and was inquiring if we were alright. I yelled for him to stay there until I was decent.
Miraculously, we were not hurt. Fred's mom took me to the hospital to get checked out in the morning, and I just had a few bruises. I was shaken. She expressed to me that "Someone" had been watching out for us that night. I agreed.
To this day, whenever I am driving around a curve, I lift my foot off the gas to ready myself to break. Curves trigger an auto response in my foot almost every time. Unless I intentionally refrain. It has been probably 24 years since my rollover.
I have noticed the same kind of thing with emotional "accidents"...Past conflicts trigger auto responses in me. If I have angered someone and they have yelled, or come at me with an accusing tongue, I find it hard to trust that person again. I fear wronging them because of the pain that I remember.
Recently it has come to my attention that I need to intentionally overcome the fears that jump into my mind in those circumstances in order to have freedom in my relationships. I felt this week that the Lord wanted me to overcome one such obstacle, and I took a step in that direction. It was hard because I had to open stuff I would rather keep closed. I took the risk of bringing more conflict instead of greater peace, but as I went ahead prayerfully, I saw the Lord work. I have a deep longing for peace and freedom in this relationship. I will continue to work toward that. What I need to do is remove the obstacles that I have control of (with the Lord's help) and then trust Him with the rest.
I was wondering if anyone has a story of the Lord helping them overcome memory triggers...
1 John 5:4
...for everyone born of God overcomes the world. This is the victory that has overcome the world, even our faith.