Friday, April 25, 2008

The Blessings of Submitting

The first story I want to tell is about my daughter Kayla. I honor her for her heart to be submissive to authority, and want to share with you how she found it to be protective and a place of safety.

In the summer of 2005 (between freshman and sophmore year) she and Ethan (brother) spent some time at the little lake south of our house swimming and fishing with friends. The friends' parents are friends of ours. They spent some time here and at the friends' house. When school started she and the oldest boy "H" (same grade as Kayla) wanted to "go out". She talked to me about it and (she had just turned 16) was cautious because she didn't want to hurt the friendship. So they started to hold hands and spend more time together. They went four wheeling with siblings and got all muddy, and hung out together at our house or theirs. Over the course of the fall/winter their relationship became rocky. Fighting and (some things I was unaware of) manipulation, anger, etc.

I work with the youth group, so I was seeing things there. I would notice them missing, and find them out in the parking lot "talking". Lots of tension. Lots of my intervention at times. "H" was crossing lines I wasn't going to allow. I found them a couple times in potentially dangerous situations. Situations that Kayla really didn't want to be in, but was "falling" into. So they were back and forth for a few months (Jan-Apr). Finally one night he broke up with her saying he needed to "get right with God". I commended him for that, but the next day he changed his mind.

Kayla had made a decision that it was over for good. He was used to her taking him back, and he began to pressure her with phone calls (literally 50-60 one day) keyed her car, mean texts, threatening suicide, and one night, stalking her outside her window when I wasn't home. Demanding his things back, burning things she had given him. It was a very difficult time. Her dad stepped in and told her what to do and what not to do in response to everything going on. We ended up having to restrict them from talking at all the last month of school that year. Kayla followed all of the instructions that her dad gave her. And she was kept safe. She was very grateful for the one in authority over her. A shelter in a time that could have been very volcanic if not for the wisdom of her dad. We could see that the issue was like an addiction on "H's" part and that they needed to be separated completely.

Since that time there have been more attempts by him to open the relationship again, and anytime she has responded with a desire to be kind (she truly does care about him) a pursuit of her would begin again. We ended up homeschooling her after that because of the nature of the danger we saw in them being together. Many times it has been confirmed that we did the right thing. Kayla was kept from losing things she wanted to keep; her purity and dignity.

I was thankful for Dale stepping in and restricting me at times too. I tended to get too involved, wanting to do the right thing. He just simply said "don't". I could trust God and not wonder if I should or shouldn't do something. What a blessing it was to have him say "no". Even times when I didn't agree with him, I chose to just rest in his decision and after the fact was very glad that I had.

I am thankful for God giving me a husband to shelter me and our kids from storms. Thankful for his authority in our home. God's ways are so good and for our safety.


Technonana said...

I totally understand this story you have shared... My daughter too was stalked by an ex-boyfriend while she was away at school. She had no recourse but to return home and attend school here for awhile, all the while staying at home for safety sake!! It is a very frightening thing, and even though he moved away, we would still get calls in the early morning hours, until my husband stepped in.

A Stone Gatherer said...

What a wonderful husband and father! I'm so glad that your daughter listened to the authority of her dad! I'm sure she appreciates his love and care!