When Your Heart is Heavy

...all my days were ordained for me before one of them came to be.... Psalm 139:16

REALLY?

I wonder how many believe that? And REALLY? God writes a story like MINE???

Like YOURS??? 

Is God really SOVEREIGN? Is God in control as Twila Paris sings?

The past few days, my heart has been heavy. My song has been an act of the will to obey the Lord in giving thanks in all circumstances...because when life gets hard, it's easy to park on the negatives. I admit it. I have to fight to keep my focus on Him, author of life and author of my faith. (Hebrews 12:2) 

It's not that I am closing my shop, or have been watching it die. It's not that I am experiencing cutting the umbilical cord of my heart from my son as he becomes a man and is engaged. {mothers of sons understand this} It's not that we have had the farm for sale for a grand total of {more than} two years. Or that we had a buyer, but they backed out after five months. No, my heart has handled all those things, {though I concede, collectively they can be heavy at times...)

But. My heaviness is from the state of our world. From the craziness I see, hear and read about every day. The ugliness of brutal, money-hungry murderers of babies and tormentors of women who abort them. (WARNING: It is graphic and I couldn't watch the entire thing, but it was recommended by John Piper and Eric Metaxas) The political madness and conspiracy theories. {And these two are only from TODAY's Facebook newsfeed!}

So, when I find myself in such a state, it is right for me to do what King David did in the Psalms. I must make my heart-heaviness known to the Lord. I must express my deep anguish over the state of our world, and all the other directions that these stories take my thoughts, weigh on my heart. And then I must remind myself WHO is God. And that God is good. And that He is indeed in control!

Not that He causes evil, but that He has not lost control. He necessarily allows evil. He has after-all given us free will. We have the will to choose who we serve as Bob Dylan once sang. {but I like Nicole Nordeman's version}

It is we who have lost it. Losers when we lose His way of living like we have...

And I remember God's man Daniel who was protected from the lions that whole night. I remember His other man, Joseph who was rejected by his brothers, sold as a slave, and years later falsely accused, which led to two years in prison. But then he became Pharaoh's right-hand-man, making provision for Israel. Then there is His girl, Rahab. A prostitute who reached for God after hearing stories about the victories He gave to His people, and God knew. He KNEW her!!! Then He rescued her from destruction (Hebrews 11:31) by connecting her to His people. (Joshua 6:17-25) He drew her out of her old life of sin and planted her into the lineage of Christ Jesus Himself!!! (Matthew 1:5)

All of them...saved by God from destruction in dire circumstances...and there are so many more! 

So, like David, I conclude..."My soul finds rest in God alone; my salvation comes from Him." Psalm 62:1 

I make my way back from the crying of my heart to the peace of knowing God. There. I rest in His love, in His power, and in His sovereignty. He is indeed in control and I am safe when I trust Him.

Lord God of Heaven and Earth, Thank you that you love us and you came to rescue us from the power of the enemy, the curse of death and sin! Thank you Jesus, that your love covers us and you go before us and you surround us with your mighty angels. Thank you that when we fear You, we have nothing to fear...because you have promised to never leave or forsake us! Where would I be without you Lord?