A Spacious Place of Security

“He is wooing you from the jaws of distress to a spacious place free from restriction, to the comfort of your table laden with choice food. Job 36:16

[This is part three of a three part post on my journey through anxiety and depression]
Click here for Part one. and here for Part two.

This photo is from our 26th Anniversary celebration in Stillwater, MN, 2009. Ten years since I spiraled into fearful darkness. By Grace, I am now free!

The Light of the Truth of God's word is so very precious! The love of The Good Shepherd for His sheep is truly the most powerful, transforming force in the universe!

I didn't really lose years when the jaws of distress had a grip on me. I gained a solid footing on the Rock. I got to know the Presence of the Life-Sustainer! I became aware of the true meaning of Grace. The delightful experience of living in His strength when mine was gone.

I now (mostly) walk in the Spirit, lean on the Lord, live by faith, love by dying to myself, display His glory by obedience, and I have the great joy of giving the light of the Word to others.  Teaching to take up the sword of the Spirit which is the Word of God.

When I was five, and I saw Laura, really I was looking for acceptance and security. A firm footing. A friend. It's just that I was looking in the wrong place. God, in His glorious wisdom has a way of getting His children where they need to be. Often. Probably most times, it involves suffering. It is in suffering that we are most teachable. We remember our lessons well when there is pain.

Isn't it the painful times after-all that one remembers the best? After all, how does a 46 year old woman remember the first day of first grade if there wasn't a painful experience there. I don't remember much more from first grade.

This lesson is one I don't want to have to repeat. I was fearful for a time that I would "go back in" but whenever that fear came, I heard the whisper, "Just keep holding My hand."

Staying in His grip in the spacious place and eating the choice food of His Word that sustains.

se•cure 

–adjective

1. free from or not exposed to danger or harm; safe.
2. dependable; firm; not liable to fail, yield, become displaced, etc., as a support or a fastening: The building was secure, even in an earthquake.
3. affording safety. as a place: He needed a secure hideout
4. in safe custody or keeping: Here in the vault the necklace was secure.
5. free from care; without anxiety: emotionally secure.
6. firmly established, as a relationship or reputation: He earned a secure place among the baseball immortals.
7. sure; certain; assured: secure of victory; secure in religious belief.

Who's Voice Are You Living For?

I was sitting in the chapel of Northwestern College with my mom beside me. We were attending the anual confrence called "A Day Set Apart For Women". I think it was something like my third or fourth year going...I was in the middle of my season of deliverance from the strongholds on my life...the chains that were wrapped around my neck spiritually. Literally choking Life out of me...

As the speaker talked about our conversation with God, and how to hear His voice, how He speaks to us, I was fervently taking notes, as is typical for me, when she said, "Some of you are listening to too many voices in your head and all you should be/ or need to be listening to is God."

Suddenly the revelation of this truth I had been unaware of came in like a flood...and I began to cry uncontrollably. It was as if the dam burst, and I was "let loose". I heard the Lord speaking to me in those moments, "Kathy, you have been living in the expectations of your husband and father (and other unknown voices came to mind)...what they might say underlies everything you do, or say fearing their disapproval. Honey, you CAN'T be perfect for anyone! You are making them your god by allowing this fear of their disapproval to have power over you!"

I left that day with less weight, with fewer links in the chains that had been holding me captive. As I returned home, I had to begin to walk free, to practice watching "who" was in my head "steering" my emotions, my decisions (or lack of) The healing was taking place. A promise that The Lord kept reminding me of was happening...

Psalm 18:19 He brought me out into a spacious place; he rescued me because he delighted in me.

Jesus Power

This morning, as Jesus says, "Come to me all who are weary and heavy laden and I will give you rest..." I came. Weary. It seemed everywhere I went in my house was an unfinished task or one needing tending. Laundry, messy bathroom, etc. On top of that were the other duties of the day: wrapping, baking, and preparing for hosting Christmas here on Thursday. I was frankly feeling like a failure and discouragement was threatening to set in. You know the kind? Like you are sitting down to eat an elephant in one sitting...and you think you might throw up just looking at it...

As I came to Him, His word spoke clearly, "Not by might, nor by power, but by my Spirit," says the Lord Almighty. Zech 4:6

I took note that He added 'Almighty' to the end of His Name.

Then He said to me, "I remove mountains, part seas & bring down walls by the hands of my servants."

I realized the emphasis I was placing on me to get the things done that I was feeling overwhelmed about. And He gently re-reminds me that it is not in my strength that I accomplish anything.

I said, "here I am again, Lord." relying on little ole me. Isaiah 41:14 Do not be afraid, O worm Jacob (Kathy), O little Israel, for I myself will help you," declares the LORD, your Redeemer, the Holy One of Israel.

Forgive me. Cleanse me. Help me.

I then rearranged my expectations by stepping back and looking from a different angle, changed my focus (From me to HE), and set about conquering the elephant "one bite at a time" with the help of my Emanuel. God with me. The Great Gift of all time. The whole point of our Christmas celebration.

I just needed to experience His Presence (my Present) afresh.

And to think...He gave me frosting on the elephant, I have time to blog at the end of the day!I'll say it again...AMAZING GRACE!