God's love

The subject of God's love is one that could fill pages upon pages and still only scratch the surface of it's reality.

I have struggled to grasp His love for me at times. In fact at one time, the reality of it was totally eclipsed from my perspective. Of course His love never fails, that is why I say "my perspective". I was blind to Love's reality for me. I knew in my head, but my heart doubted. I was looking at me and my unworthiness and failure instead of Him and His truth.

That is a tactic of the enemy. I fell for it through a series of circumstances-hook, line and sinker.

The love of God had carried me through alot since my conversion in 1989...moving, financial hardship, my 6 week old baby having surgery, the separation of my parents for a few months, my husband without work, moving again, being homeless (living in a friend's basement), changing churches, rejection by friends and family at times. After 10 years of living in His love, of reveling in Him, suddenly...

I was tripped by old lies, and a wrong focus. Circumstances mounted around me and within me, and I fell from grace. When I was in the deep-deep dark, I couldn't grasp that God loved me there. I believed I had committed the unpardonable sin. I had death breathing down my neck...except for a thread... the precious promises for me in God's word. Faintly heard, but believed enough by me to keep me afloat in my faith so that it wasn't ultimately shipwrecked.

There was the essence of the love of God. The tangible proof that He had indeed not left or forsaken me. I was tormented by the enemy, but the promises of God sustained me and brought me through. When it was shouted at me, "You have no faith!!!" The word of God stood in my heart saying, "if we are faithless, He will remain faithful for He cannot disown Himself." 2 Tim 2:13

When I was taunted, "Your kids are going to be wounded deeply because you are a failure as a mom!" the word of God ministered to me..."He will restore what the locusts have eaten."
Joel 2:25

Can anyone understand how much I love Him after such merciful deliverance? Has anyone been so humbled by His love as an unbelieving believer-redeemed? How could He forgive me for being faithless? I was (in my mind at least) the greatest disappointment to Him that ever crawled on the face of the earth. And still...His love embraced me.

Agape.

...to know the love that passes knowledge-

• this love that causes one to throw all else to the wind...
• this love that compels one to do things that seem foolish to those who don't understand...
• this love that died on a cross to redeem us from the curse...

this love...

that you may be filled to the measure of all the fullness of God. (Eph 3:19)

• this love that enables one to endure torturous things...
• this love that compels one to suffer anything rather than lose it...
• this love that arrests one's soul to the point of willingness to die...

Amazing love, how can it be? He died to save a wretch like me...

I am on a quest for more, I want to know the length, the height, the breadth, and the depth. I say, "Show me your glory, Lord! I want to know you more!"